POLITENESS

 In my book on Arts Management, The A to Z of Arts Management, i wrote a number of sections that wouldn’t normally find in text books. On coffee. On laughter. And on humility. And one on manners.

Susan and I regularly received feedback about how ‘nice’ we are. That might sound like a rather wishy-washy concept but what people mean is that we are polite, that we show respect, that we act civilly. Whether it’s thanking a bus driver or offering a cup of tea to a tradie, speaking without yelling on the phone even when we’re irritated, or smiling at a stranger in the street - none of this takes much effort or emotional labour. And it all adds lubrication to how we live together with our different tastes and interests and beliefs in a complex, pluralistic society. 

There was a fascinating difference between walking to the tram in Pascoe Vale South and walking to the tram in Brunswick when Susan and I stayed in Glenlyon Road. In PVS, with only an occasional exception, strangers will smile and nod and even say hallo. That interaction was much less likely to happen in Brunswick. Whether that was because the people were generally young and immersed in their phone or because there are too many strangers to bother interacting with everyone, I don't know. But I do like the sense of community and the gift of a smile when there is a fleeting connection with other people. I haven't worked out yet which version of that interaction is going to be most likely in Willagee although Susan has had a recent very positive experience.

The gentleman who did our ant treatment spotted the gas oven that Susan had replaced with an induction oven. He asked if he could buy it and promised to come back with his son to take it away. He turned up but without son and I was elsewhere. While Susan could help him get the oven out of the garage, she couldn't lift it up into his car. He said 'no worries, I'll just ask someone going by." He accosted a young indigenous woman going past on an electric scooter and she cheerfully took over the process of moving the oven. A kind gesture made with no expectation of a reward.

In case you're wondering what I said in the A to Z about Manners, I started the section this way:

"Maybe it’s because I was brought up to be a polite young girl by the nuns. Maybe it’s because I have an allergy to being yelled at. Whatever the reason, I think ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and ‘sorry’ all have currency in the work place.  As [philosopher A.C. Grayling says in his version of the Epistles (2011, 579) “[n]o less necessary than either ancient or modern knowledge therefore, is knowledge of the world, manners, politeness and society.” If you are nice to people, they will usually be nice back. Stewart (2009, 131) notes that this insight is “a timeless precept, grounded in ethics, barely rising about tautology, and emerging naturally from the experience of being a human surrounded by other humans”...

Of course, I was talking about workplaces and how to behave as a manager but I ended the section with another quote from Grayling (2011, 579) which I think should apply to life wherever we live it:

“To be well-mannered without ceremony, easy without negligence,

Steady and intrepid with modesty, genteel without affectation,

Cheerful without noisiness, frank without indiscretion, and able to keep confidences;

To know the proper time and place for whatever you say or do, and to do it with an air of condition.” 

References

Grayling, AC 2011, The Good Book, Bloomsbury, London

Stewart, M 2009, The management myth, W.W. Norton & Co, New York